By: Anonymous
I felt like I didn’t say no
Because I was the one who asked to come over
I felt like I didn’t say no because I didn’t kick and scream so loud my best friend in the next room could hear
And I knew they would say I didn’t say no
Because I thought I was thrashing and screaming but was still
I felt like I didn’t say no even though I did
And then my mom called and it gave me the strength I needed
To kick you off of me and sprint into the bathroom to talk to her
But I pretended I was with a friend
For six months I pretended I was with that friend
And for six months I pretended I didn’t say no
Because I was “strong”, whatever that means
I pretended I didn’t say no
Simply because I didn’t want anyone to know
Because to pretend that I said yes
Was to pretend that I had control
And yeah I guess you raped me
But mostly you raped my father
I mean, my mother was hurt too
But not like my father
You raped my father
By raping his innocent daughter
And you raped my father
By riding to work every day with him and telling him how thankful you were
To that innocent daughter
For getting you this job
And you raped my father
When you told his friends that his innocent daughter
Gave you
Every
Thing
That you wanted
And you raped my father
Because I’ve been able to forget those little things like
The color of your sheets and the pattern on the ceiling
But he remembers every word that I told him
And he remembers every freckle on your face
You raped my father
Because every time he looked at his innocent little daughter for three years he thought of you
You raped my father
Because the day I was arrested I finally had to tell him
I had to let those slimy words fall out of my mouth
And I just couldn’t explain why I didn’t tell him when I got back that day
I used to tell him everything
And you raped my grandmother
Of the six thousand dollars I borrowed from her to pay for that lawyer
And you raped my boyfriend
Of our relationship that you left in shambles
And you raped my mother
Of her little girl, who was now doing things she’d never do to escape from you
And you raped my best friend
Of her best friend
And my sister
Of her sister
And while you raped me of my dignity, my self-respect, my self-love and my happiness
I’m able to look at myself and know it’s not my fault
I did say no
But
My father, my grandmother, my boyfriend, my mother, my best friend, my sister
All still wonder what they did wrong
