Red Car
By: Molly
Okay, well this happened around 4 years ago and I thought I was over it but recently thoughts and feelings keep coming back to me and I’m not sure how to deal with it. I’ve never told anyone although I would like to tell one specific family member, but I don’t know how to.
Anyway, this is what happened. I was with my best friend and she lived in a not so nice part of town. I on the other hand lived in a really nice part of town, and was really sheltered growing up. I lived a really good life and never knew about the bad things people could do. I was 15 at the time. Well I was with my friend when this guy pulled up in a red car. There was a girl in the passenger seat, that my best friend was friends with (I didn’t know her). The girl said to get in and we did. I thought it was really cool to be driving around because I was too young to drive. The guy driving didn’t say much, but he introduced himself to us as “Jay”. He was older, he told me later that he was 36. I wasn’t afraid of him though, because I was young, sheltered, and naive.
We were driving around when my friend said that she had to go to this cell phone store because she had lost her charger. So “Jay” drove us to the store. When we got there my friend and the other girl in the car, who was named Jessica got out. I stayed in the car thinking they would only take a second. I was sitting in the backseat, but when they got out “Jay” said to climb in the front seat, so I did. We were parked illegally so he said we would circle the block a few times and wait for them, which was fine with me. As soon as he started driving he started telling me how pretty I was, etc. He also said he was a pimp and “that a girl like me could make a lot of money”. I was shocked. I had no idea he was a pimp. Apparently Jessica was one of his “girls.”
I immediately started to get very uncomfortable, but I didn’t know what to do. I was in an area that I was unfamiliar with, and I had no money for a cab, and I had lied to my parents about where I was so I couldn’t call them. I had told my mom I was with my boyfriend, but I was really with my best friend who my mom doesn’t like.
Anyway after we started driving he started to touch me. He rubbed my vagina through my jeans and kept trying to unbutton them but I kept pushing his hand away, and since he was driving he couldn’t really do anything about it. Throughout the whole thing I don’t think I ever fully voiced the word “NO” so I think this is why I partly blame myself. He kept rubbing me and then he started touch himself. He tried to get me to give him a blow job, but since he was driving he couldn’t hold my head down there. He then put his hand inside my shirt and bra and started squeezing my breasts really hard. He fondled my breasts for a while and kept pulling them out over my shirt. He then went back to rubbing himself and me.
Finally we pulled back up in front of the cell phone store and I went to jump out of the car. He knew that I was leaving even though I didn’t tell him. Right before I opened the door and grabbed me and started to make out with me. I tried to pull away but he held my head. He stuck his tongue down my throat and I started to gag. Finally he stopped but before I got out, he grabbed a pen and paper from the floor of this car and told me to write down my phone number because he wanted to take me on a “date”. I wrote down some random phone number and got out of the car.
I went to the store and told my friend I had to go. I called my boyfriend to come pick me up, but I didn’t tell him what happened. Although he knew something was wrong because of the way I was acting. I didn’t tell my best friend what had happened although I really wish I had. Turns out she went back to the car with Jessica and later that day he raped her. I feel so guilty. Because I knew if I had told her what he had done to me, she never would of gotten in the car with him.
It’s been a few years but whenever a red car pulls up behind me I jump or get really nervous. I don’t know what to do. I thought I had dealt with this, but it keeps coming back. Only recently though. I feel this need to tell someone, but I don’t know how. There are people I trust and would like to tell, but I just don’t know how to bring it up or say it.
Well that’s all. I hope by writing this I’ll feel a little better. But I’m not sure. I suffer from mild depression and have very low self-esteem, which pretty much all started after this happened. I’ve been to therapy but for other reasons. I never told my therapist because while I was in therapy I was still a minor and legally my therapist would have to report it, which would of been pointless because there is literally no way of tracking this guy down and I don’t want my parents to know what happened. Now that I’m not a minor I could tell but I’m not in therapy anymore, and I don’t wish to start again. Maybe one day I’ll have the courage to tell…
