Survival Despite Injustice
By: Jess
The definition of Survive is ‘to continue to live or exist. Remain alive or in existence after. Remain alive in spite of (a danger, accident etc.)
Continue, endure, exist, keep going, last, live,remain, persist, subsist, pull through, cope, get by, make do, manage.’
The dictionary tells me I am survivor. It tells me I have pulled through, endured, coped.
I have indeed done all of those things but isn’t survival a daily choice that we all make? A concious decision to not be a victim?
We are taught in literature that stories have a beginning, middle and an end. The characters in the books we read, in the films we watch are often granted a conclusion. I believe the stories we read and the films we watch that do not offer the reader or viewer a reasonable conclusion are in fact the most real. But aren’t they often a little disappointing? When the titles start rolling and everyone utters “Is that it?”
We are all searching for the perfect ending. Life doesn’t always have the conclusion that we want. I never had mine. Justice didn’t prevail. Instead I have suffered betrayal and injustice for the past 10 years. This has become what I survive now, every day. I survive to make a difference. I will not be beaten and I will not lose. I will not be your victim. In choosing to survive I have made a difference. I would not be where I am today and making the choices I am making. So thank you, thank you all of you who betrayed me and have never believed or acknowledged my pain. Thank you for your ignorance. It hurts but if my pain makes a difference then I will share it until the day I die.
I have spoken the truth and fought against ignorance. I no longer need to remain anonymous because that would be terribly satisfying for you both. I was anonymous for far too long. You liked it that way. You never wanted me to have a voice. Thats why you both wanted to destroy me.
I am not the only one surviving. When an earthquake strikes the seismic waves can be felt for miles and miles and the after shocks can be devastating also. My situation can be likened to this. I was not the only one affected. I was not the only victim. Many, many others experienced the ‘earthquake’ with me and the after shocks. Lives have been destroyed and rebuilt…others have been lost. On a bad day I blame myself for speaking the truth, for being heard…for not saying no.
My constant, my rock…my beautiful Mother. You taught me to survive, years and years before the abuse. We were left on our own, others ripped away so carelessly…so thoughtlessly. I am so grateful we had each other! We survived together, in spite of it all! You made my foundations strong and taught me how to live again. I am not shattered and broken because you provided the glue. Together we live in truth and light, no longer hiding in the dark. I owe this all to you!
