What is sorrow?
By: JessB
What is sorrow? Sorrow is loosely defined in the oxford dictionary as deep distress caused by loss, disappointment. In my mind I would define sorrow in much broader terms, but yet, at times I think sorrow, or rather the feeling of sorrow is difficult to explain, because I think words and feelings are two different things, and I am not so sure that words can always do feelings justice.
Is sorrow the feeling you get when you are sitting out under the night sky with all of the stars shining bright, and you are reveling in natures grandeur but you look to your side and no one is there, and you realize you’re all alone, and you wish like hell you had someone to share this exact moment with? Or is sorrow the feeling you get when you see a father and his little girl at the park and you can literally see his love for her radiating from him, and you can see this love just by looking at his face, and then it hits you like a ton of bricks just fell on your heart that you never once had that. Or is sorrow the feeling you get when you grasp the fact that it has been so incredibly long since you let someone hold you in their arms and just embrace you and love you for just being you? Or is sorrow the feeling you get when you wake up from a sound sleep because you had a horrible nightmare that he was in your room again and you could literally feel his sweaty, filthy hands on you? Or is sorrow the exact feeling you get when you realize you are just too fucking scared to have a “romantic” relationship because when you have put yourself out there, and you are in a certain moment, you immediately go back in your head to the horrible nightmare that was your childhood; and then instantly you push him away, and in your head you quietly walk back into that little room that has no doors and no windows and this is where you stay.
I wouldn’t have always defined all of these instances or feelings as sorrow, actually until just recently, (maybe today) I would have said most of these feelings would have been fear. However, what I feel now –I think anyway—is sorrow. Even as I write this I feel a sadness welling up inside me, kind of like if you are boiling water and you forget to turn the heat down and it boils over and it causes all this steam and makes a huge mess—that is exactly what I feel like right now—it almost brings tears to my eyes, and I have not cried for a very long time. In the end though, I have come to understand that I can’t change what was, and I can’t change what is, but as a very wise man tells me, I can hope and pray with all my might and try to find the courage and be brave enough to change what lies before me.
